What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

I don,t even have a pension.

He resisted the act ,that day.

How is cultural invasion being carried out by Bollywood?

I think the readers, may guess!

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Why do Democrats look like snowflakes and Republicans look like Vikings?

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

She married twice! .

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

How do you have intercourse with a girl who can remember you for a long time?

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

Why are black people seen as scary or a threat to some people?

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

Ive learnt so much.

We were not on the streets..

Have you ever secretly watched someone while they were doing something private?

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

I was 9 years of age.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

Why is my ex mad I moved on when he dumped me?

Im still living with it.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

In what ways does Islam oppress women?

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

She wouldn,t have been !

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

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I waited trembling.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Why did Obito, a supposed "bad person," do good things for Kakashi?

And who doesn’t know suffering?

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

What was the craziest place that you had sex with someone in public?

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

How was cancer treatment different in the US and the UK?

I could never make a relationship work though!

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

Can a twin flame runner be happy in a karmic relationship?

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I never cut or harmed myself..

She found it foreign!.

What are you wearing under your clothes today?

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

Why did i forgive my father ?

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Why are you a Muslim? Why is it Islam for you and not something else?

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

But ive been too sick for many years..

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

I said to her

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Would this be the day?

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

Especially a lifetime of it.

When she asked me how she looked .

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

All the time i was locked up.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

I did it because my mum asked me too!

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

She was in good health!

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

But it wasn’t much.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

I will be 64.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

I was scared of men, in general

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

He knew the spot.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

As i do to all so called friends.?

My mum and dad in the seventies!

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

I have no regrets .

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

But, we were locked up after school.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

On the 31st of Jan this month .

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

So, i spoilt her more .

Comes on , in middle age.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

Who then, do I blame.?

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

My life is so biszare .

I couldn’t, believe it.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

Put me off passion for life!!

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

This is how, and why children get BPD.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

I was very sick at this time too.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Was to survive, this bastard.

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

We all went to grammer schools

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

My family never makes their pension either.

I was seconnd youngest,

And i lived it daily.

I know ,a lot about trauma.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

(And it was in our own minds.)

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

This is soul school!.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

She loved him until the end.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

So whats the point in blame.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

They are buried together, in the same grave..

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

It was going to be , some day.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

I write beautiful poetry .

One cannot live in the past .

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

What did i know ?